All they need is LOVE..
A trite, over worn statement perhaps, but almost maddening in its’ simple truth.
Parenting was never meant to be hard. We made it so.
So what IS this love that we say our children need?
It’s in the ruffling of their hair as you go past them doing their homework.
It’s in the learning to let go of judgment even when it masks itself as good intentioned. Judgment isn’t the work of love. It breeds division, destruction and distance.
It’s in the seams of the costume for the school play you work on into the late hours of the nigh,t even when you can’t sew.
It’s in the breast that you offer the tiny them, at any time of day or night, on their whim.
It’s in the aching back of the father who stands, hopeful but not deluded, rocking his little one back to sleep in the early hours of a Sunday morning.
It’s in the tears of frustration and injustice you try and hold back when dealing with an uncompromising teacher.
It’s in the fury you feel when a dangerous driver cuts in front of you whilst you have your precious one in a car seat in the back of your car.
It’s in the way you ease open their bedroom door, as quietly as possible, to wake them gently from their blissful slumber before school or college.
It’s in the soft rub on the back you give your teenager as he heads out the door all walled off from you.
It’s in the ‘favourite‘ muffin you bake when you are dead on your feet.
It’s in the way you know, right now, you need to agree with them even when you might think they are wrong. Saving certain battles for later, when the eye of the storm has passed, is love on the frontline.
It’s in the genuine pride you feel for them for doing the apparently,most simple thing.
It’s in the excitement (mixed with trepidation) you join them in, when they pass their driving test.
It’s in the bubbles you both blow in the bath and the giggles that rise from the effervescent foam of simple moments of madness spent together. Laughter is loud, noisy love.
It’s in the way you speak to them; with respect, kindly and gently, even when it would be so easy to just spout off.
It’s in the decision you make in the doctors’ office to trust your own intuition and in your child’s’ body’s innate ability to heal itself without excessive intervention.
It’s in the food you choose to offer up each day. Infuse it with your love and it will nourish so much more than their bellies.
It’s in the biting of your lip so you don’t ask again.. (even if it’s killing you), if they have finished that school project.
It’s in the refraining of offering incessant advice posturing as love.
It’s in the learning of how to say what you want to say. Intention and inflection are ALL.
It’s in the allowing of them to express want: want anything, more time, space, money, chocolate, a coveted toy or a shiny car. Wanting is just an expression of their desire to expand into more of who they are.
It’s in the curbing of that sharp intake of breath when you walk into your son’s boy-cave, all messy and mad, and then lightly asking if he’d like any ‘help’ to sort it out someday soon.
It’s in the choice of timing and place to resolve contentious issues with your partner that might get loud
It’s in becoming a master of turning a blind eye. Small stuff needn’t make you sweaty.
It’s in the having NO ‘closet‘ for them to hide in or to have to come out of.
It’s in the learning how to laugh with them, even when it might not be that funny.
It’s in picking them up off the floor, whether it’s from a grazed knee or a broken heart.
It’s in the courage to cry in front of them; in the strength to show them how to use emotions as the greatest guidance system ever.
It’s in allowing them, and you to rest when you both need. Rest and relaxation is a remedy for most difficult situations.
It’s in the losing of fear about pretty much anything: exam results, peer pressure, motorbikes and what Auntie Martha might say if they want to hang with friends rather than her.
It’s in the knowing that freedom, even from you, is their innate right; their natural state of well-being.
It’s in practicing the belief that they will turn out just fine; that they WILL achieve the state of being that ensures their version of health, wealth and happiness.
It’s in the building the perspective that all you wish for them is ALREADY done. Now you can sit back and enjoy the journey, with all its twists and turns, roller coaster rides and smooth sailing, knowing that no matter what is thrown up along the way, WILL come out good in the wash, in the end.
It’s about being the mirror on the wall, in the hall, at the table, in the kitchen, at school, at the doorway of the nightclub, when they have their first child or speeding fine, that simply keeps repeating..“You, my lovely, are the fairest of them all!”